Make Rules into Promises

 Whether you call them Rules, Expectations, or a Group Contract, they are essentially boundaries that you are establishing as a community.  They are necessary, but not usually very fun or positive.

Kids with trauma have lost a lot of control in their lives and so anything that feels like someone exerting control over them is scary.  So by this logic, rules that feel controlling will end in the child fighting against it.  We have to have boundaries and rules, but there is a way that rules can be presented to students in a way that feels less like a threat and more like promises.  In fact, I like to frame them as promises.  So for the all-school rules, here's how I flip them around to turn them into promises. 

Rule:  Act Safely

Promise:  We promise to keep you safe.  (This means we will not allow anyone in this building to act in a way that makes you or anyone else feel unsafe). 

Rule: Be Respectful

Promise: We promise that everyone here will be treated respectfully.  (This means that everyone needs to treat both students and teachers with respect). 

Rule: Be Responsible

Promise: We promise that everyone here will have the chance to learn.  (This means we need to put things in place to make sure you have the best chance at learning that we can offer). 

By making the rules into promises, it allows me to reinforce a sense of protection for my students instead of making it a feeling of me exerting control.  So my conversation with a student who is breaking a rule might go like this:

Hey, I hear you kicked a friend at recess.  Remember when I told you about my promises to you?  I promised I would keep you safe.  Well, I also promised I would keep your friend safe too.  If you are kicking them, then I can't keep my promise to keep them safe.  So in order to keep my promise, I can't let you kick people. Does that make sense?

And then we would continue the conversation so that I understand what precipitated the incident, and we talk about how to do it differently next time and how to make it right this time.   

But the takeaway here is to flip the rules, which can feel controlling, upside down.  Make them into promises that feel protective and comforting.